Sun Country's Weblog

Have you ever heard the drunk superman joke they askt me.

Sure I say. Who hasn’t.

One of them reaches into his pocket and pulls out a single, solitary, key.

Can you guess what this is he askts me?

It’s a key I reply meekly.

He smacks me upside the head.

A key to what he askts?

To the billionaire boys room I shout.

No need to get nasty he says. Actually it’s a key to the roof of the Empire State building. Can you guess where we’re going he askts me?

Uh, to the Empire State Building I reply.

Very good he says.

I’m allowed to get dressed and then off we go. Much to my chagrin we actually end up at the Empire State Building.

Aren’t I supposed to get a drink at the bar I ask sarcastically. I get smacked upside the head again.

We take the elevator up and exit at the top floor.

He uses the key to enter onto the roof.

Sunny Beach. He really does have a key to the roof. We know the head custodian he says as if he’s reading my mind. He let us have a copy some time ago.

Have you ever read Crime and Punishment he askts me?

No I say. Is that important for some silly reason.

I get smacked upside the head again.

Well, you see, in the book, if you kill someone that makes you a superman. And the only way to become a superman is to kill someone. Get it. It’s our cover joke for what we really do.

So, what, you’re saying that you’re a superman.

You ain’t as dumb as you look they say in unison.

Now watch this.

He jumps a scant two inches into the air.

I look at him but I’m not sure what to say.

What just happened he askts me?

Afraid of saying the wrong thing I say nothing.

That was the part of the joke where superman lands safely back on the roof they say in unison.

Get it.

We kill people by throwing them off of this roof and we started that stupid superman joke as a cover. Man are you dense.

So what happens now I ask. I’m supposed to believe that you almost reached the bottom and that was you touching back down again?

Bingo! They say.

But I’m not drunk I scream.

One of them thrusts his left forearm across my back and his right hand grabs me by the hair on my forehead and he pulls it backwards.

Amazingly enough, that causes my mouth to open, wide.

The other one reaches into his coat pocket where he retrieves a flask of whiskey. He unscrews the top and pours it liberally down my throat. I actually drink some of it but some of it also ends up on my shirt and jacket.

Right, the say. This is the part where you get to try to imitate superman they scream. The start laughing, hysterically.

It’s a calm, cool, clear night in New York. The weather is fine. This high up I can’t hear a thing but the wind. Lights are burning everywhere. I can see the traffic and the people moving and milling about. I scream. So what. Up this high no one can hear. And with that much alcohol in me I already feel like I’m flying.

The End